Education is the cornerstone of intellectual freedom. Take Einstein for example. He flunked out of high school and subsequently got turned down by the Swiss army. Who gets rejected from an army of pocket knives? Can you say L-O-S-E-R? Understandably, we spend most of our time trying not to follow in his footsteps, but some people are making it difficult.
You guessed it, today’s facial graphing goes to Teacher’s Pet, a scholarly specimen so perfect she doesn’t even have to open the book to get a triple A plus with a maraschino cherry on top. Home Ec, Biology, Organic Russian Rocket Science in Bulgarian, it doesn’t matter. If there’s a teacher, this bitch is passing with flying colors. How many extracurricular back waxes this puppy must perform to sustain her grade point average is beyond us. All we know is when we “accidentally” dropped our pencil under Mr. Johnson’s desk and tried to find it in his lap, his fly was tagged with the initials TP, and a rottweiler was guarding his balls.
How are we supposed to get into the University of Pheonix in time to make the 65 year-old continuing education cut-off, if the only student on top of the bell curve gives better hand jobs than Adam Lambert? The answer is we can’t. Which is why we have to cut the praise off at the source. So instead of feeding Teacher’s Pet the cafeteria’s famous knuckle sandwich, we’re going to spoon it into the mouth of her rightful owner. Open up teach!
