Do you know someone who loves hearing the sound of her own voice? Perhaps a friend who leads a less exciting life than a Jersey toll booth operator on qualudes, but who invariably manages to take everything you say and magically turn it into a story about her spouse’s irregular anal discharge? “Funny you should [...]

Read Full Post »

Ever since the horn was invented it has played a pivotal role in society, it reminds people the light has turned, that the drive-thru is open, and that those yabbos are boobalicous. Unfortunately, as time has passed certain individuals have taken it upon themselves to pound the middle of the steering wheel like a new [...]

Read Full Post »

When the GHB is gone, and all that remains of last night’s party is a rogue donkey and the faint memory of a midget wearing a gag, you can always count on one person to suck you out of your crack haze and spit you back into reality. And that person is the one who’s [...]

Read Full Post »

In a country with a 97.87% obesity rate, it probably wouldn’t be a bad idea to scale back the 12-a-day taquito addiction. That however does not give today’s entry the green light to turn every breakfast, lunch and dinner into a calorie-based episode of Night Court. As if you didn’t already feel bad enough just [...]

Read Full Post »

What gets louder as it gets smaller? A baby in a trash compacter! Speaking of dead babies, it’s time to talk about one of our country’s most ubiquitous personages, Overzealous Pro-Lifer. Now, before you accuse us of being racists fascist love children, let us say that we, of all people, relish the cool shade of [...]

Read Full Post »

When nature calls everyone answers, that’s just the way Obama made us. And if you’re like the majority of us, your bowel movement is set to a clock that even the elves in Switzerland would be jealous of. Whether we admit it or not, this is a time we all look forward to, a few [...]

Read Full Post »

Every day, millions of immigrants smuggle themselves in the linings of Ford Pintos for the chance to spit in the streets unpunished and realize their dreams of becoming American supermarket magnates. Yet, here we have a flesh and blood American, wasting away behind the conveyor belt, treating our groceries like dime-store hookers after a night [...]

Read Full Post »

We’ll be the first to admit it, when it comes to technology we have about as much understanding as Frédéric Prinz von Anhalt has about monogamy. So when it came time to turn in the ol’Nokia 8310 and upgrade to something bedazzled, it’s safe to say we were lost. No problem. Just head down to [...]

Read Full Post »

For this, our second centennial, PWDI brings you, steadfast reader of this internet drivel, a special anniversary treat. That’s right cherubs, it’s Child-Molesting, Murdering, Nazi Double-Dipper. Like an Aryan George Costanza with a hard drive full of kiddie porn and a freezer full of body parts, CMMNDD is a cornocopia of decaying morals and saliva-laced [...]

Read Full Post »

PWDI presents Bi-Weekly Gangbang, a topical roundup of people who’ve deserved it over the last two weeks: #1 – Conrad Murray: We know everyone is supposed to be innocent until proven guilty and shit like that, but when it comes to being accused of snuffing out the king of pop, justice ain’t blind. She’s fucking [...]

Read Full Post »

One post away from the 200 mile mark and we still haven’t punched this twat-sponge in the face. Well guess what Dinner Time Texter? You can’t hide in the shadows of your first generation Palm Treo anymore. We will expose you and your sexting for all the world to see and you will pay. You [...]

Read Full Post »

Up until a couple of days ago we here at PWDI were big fans of traffic lights.  Not only did they organize society, preventing it from crashing into itself in a cataclysmic wreckage of twisted steel and capitalism, the colors were pretty. But ever since our windshield was sodomized by a plague infested washing wand [...]

Read Full Post »

Hey lady! You just won $37 million! “Mehhhhh.” Bradley Cooper has expressed interest in pleasuring you orally for the next 9 hours! “Mehhhhh.” God called and said if you want to move to Hawaii and never work another day in your life, he’ll pick up the tab and leave fresh pineapple and opium on your [...]

Read Full Post »

Okay…well after last week’s freaky Friday we thought it best to offer up an entry for the masses. One so vile, so disturbing, so horrific that no one could argue with its inclusion. No…not Jon Gosselin and his hooker bride, or pedophile Nazis, but Shutter Shade Dude! The 26-year-old man-child that continually shows up at [...]

Read Full Post »

Coming from a blog that perpetuates a certain degree of fist-a-cuffs you may find it a wee bit hypocritical of us to go after today’s entry. However there is a difference: while our herniated rage is focused like a smart bomb, Captain Cold-Shoulder drops the pain like a liquored Scott Stapp – no one is [...]

Read Full Post »

Let’s get one thing straight: animals belong on the streets. So, you can imagine our dismay when we found out some people keep them in their houses! They lick their own balls with shit-laden tongues people! But, erroneous. Point is, a man who chooses to share his bed with a beast better make it known [...]

Read Full Post »

This weekend, like most of you, the PWDI family celebrated soaring-eagle freedom day (see previous post) by throwing every carbon based life form we could find on the grill, including said eagle. It was almost as if Noah’s arc pulled an Exxon Valdeze right into our Weber. Unfortunately, there was one mammal that didn’t meet [...]

Read Full Post »

Oh come all ye faithful! For today is the day we solemnly ripped our smacking lips from the great English teat. Two hundred years ago, our forefathers had the prostates to stand up and say no! No to the Worchester sauce and the poor dental hygiene and the ambiguous sexuality! Yes to the slaves though. [...]

Read Full Post »

Pop quiz assholes – it’s 3:24 am, you’re driving hopped up on a fine mixture of johnny blue, ganja, and fairy dust and jonseing for two all-beef special-sauced paddies. Where are you? In a ditch? Close. Face down in a pile of burgers? Closer. Stuck behind Slow-Ass Drive Thru Orderer contemplating the sentencing guidelines for [...]

Read Full Post »