America is a nation built on ideals: freedom of speech, freedom of the press, and freedom of assembly. This however, does not condone douche bags who park their automobiles wherever they want.
Yet, everyday across this great land, “Two Spot Parker” treats the mall parking lot like it was constructed in his honor. Not only is this incredibly annoying, it’s also offensive. Those lines were put there for a reason – to ensure as many people as possible can get discount socks, ab-crunchers and giant pretzels under one roof. To fuck with the parking lines, is to fuck with the U.S.of A and that ain’t OK.
So the next time you see “Two Spot Parker” hogging all the real estate. Do your patriotic duty and explain, it’s not the car he should worry about being dented, it’s his face.
All I can say the people who hate 2 spotters and complain about them are in fact the assholes. I got an escalade myself and you can barely take 1 space, for those of you who will scratch the cars that are 2 spotters are freaking jealous and to be honest GET A LIFE. If i catch one person to scratch it, he would have wished he’d never have done it.
We work hard to pay for the car and on several occasions, the people who will be parked near will have no remorse for their shit box. That’s the Truth!!!
You probably are driving a 10 to 20 thousand dollards car, buy a 50 000$ and we’ll see if you won’t take 2 spots. I dare you. Stop complaining.
you buy a shit box, get 1 space, buy a luxury car, get 2 and if you got a ferrari take 4.
I still take 2 spots and nothing is going to change that. I park far on most occcasions but the way i see it, the cars that are worth the most should have the front seat.
No one asked you to buy an escalade and whine about the tight spaces. Deal with it or be and asshole and face the consequences.
Agreed, Robert. For starters, anyone who pays $50k for a rebadged GMC Yukon is a moron of the highest order. The only thing exceeding that level of stupidity is the one who gets the “pickup” version which is nothing more than a Chevy Avalanche (which is itself a piece of shit). The truck I drive is about as big as they come, and I can easily manage to park in a regular parking space.
When I see some lazy, self-absorbed douche nozzle parked like a jack hole, I give ‘em a little “nudge” with my bumper. And by “bumper” I mean a beefy structure welded from schedule 40 pipe and diamond deck. All it takes to tweak my Ranch Hand is a little black Krylon. Meanwhile, the two-spot parker has a nice black reminder of his douchebaggery branded on the paint of his precious toy truck.
Not that I’m totally impressed, but this is more than I expected when I stumpled upon a link on Delicious telling that the info here is awesome. Thanks.
I don’t see what the big deal is about taking 2 spots. I am a 2 spot parker but I park far away from anyone and there are always 100′s of other spots closer to their destination. I do not see what harm I have caused to any citizen. There are to many people out there that have no respect for people’s possessions and for everything I have worked for and deserve.
While trying to find a parking spot at the movie theatre, my friend and I spotted a GIANT truck parked over, not just two, but FOUR spaces. The asshat actually pulled over the corners where parking spots meet. We left a note that went something like this….
You Suck, Sir (or Ma’am),
Just because you drive a huge ass truck does not mean that you own the world. Move your ass and learn to drive.
Thank you,
Concerned Citizens
Curtis,
I ride a motorcycle and if there were specific spaces for motorcycles at my grocery store, at my office or any other places I go, I’d happily park there, but there aren’t.
My hubby’s office has motorcycle/scooter parking.
I would really appreciate having dedicated spaces for motorcycles/scooters.
Of course you know that people would complain about that. Can’t win for losing, you know?
On another note, this weekend some guy parked his big truck right on the lines in a compact space and my hubby parked next to him, then put a note on his windshield that consisted only of the make, model and license plate of the truck and an arrow pointing to our car – the same note was on the dashboard of our car.
In other words, I have your info, there better not be a mark on my car when I get back. LOL
this douchebag sucks…but you know what’s worse than this guy? The motorcycle that takes an entire parking spot…how wasteful.
I pour coffee into their air vents
me and my friend made cheap stickers from a label maker (which can be VERY sticky and paint damaging) that said “You parked like an asshole today. Was it worth it?” and stuck them on the guys we went to high school with that would use our limited parking spaces are their own personal showrooms to display their beautiful trucks….
….and isnt it funny how its always Walmart parking lots? Like if your vehicle is no effin nice, why the hell are you shopping at Walmart? Huh!?
[...] Two Spot Parker [...]
Best of both worlds – I leave a note that says “thanks for taking two spaces A**hole. I guess you did that to avoid scratches, so I keyed your car.”
I don’t actually key the car – that could get me in trouble. But the A**hole doesn’t know that and they search for the damage. After that, they know people might do it so they think twice about doing it again.
Next time I see a car parked like that I will kick it leaving a dent. That’s all there is to it.
On the other hand….
Brake fluid will change the paint job on a car.
Just saying……
Back when I drove a beater and saw one of these asswipes, I’d nuzzle my sedan up within an inch of the driver door, park, and spend the day elsewhere. Bwahahahaha
I deal with these jerks everyday where I work and I do leave notes on occasion. One reason why I didn’t want to get a new car was so I could squeeze in next to these idiots and not worry about my car. One time a Lexus was parked way over the line so I backed in so I could park as close as possible to the driver side and I could still get out. Believe it or not, even though I was totally between my parking lines, when I returned to my car, there was a note on MY car complaining how did I expect them to get into their car?! I couldn’t believe they had the nerve to blame me. If only I could have watched them figure out how to get to the drivers side, that would have made my day. HA!
I agree with kyri, the hearn, and who ever else thinks like them!!! The reason I agree with them is because there are a lot of people who buy really nice cars and they don’t want their cars door dinged! By people who a jealious of that persons nice car! Plus, there are a lot of people in the Untied States that just don’t give a shit about other peoples property. Those are the people that need to be punched in the face! Maybe if people would have nice cars like the people that take up two parking spots they would see how we feel and think about our cars. (Then when once they get a nice car they will learn/earn their place.) Now to you two spot parkers go kick some @$$!
Nothing pisses me off more than people who take up two spots! The worst offenders are big ass pick-up trucks and Hummers. People who do it need a boot to the head.
yes i loath these people with every ounce of my being and ive seen a lot of ‘wanna slash tires’ ‘leave a notes’ and whatnot well when i see these people being selfimportant heres what i do…. not want to do DO DO…. hehe doodoo……sorry back to the point what i do is work up a nice big loogie im talking snorting snarfing hwarking …. um one time i managed to even throwup a little in my mouth AND LET THE FUCKER HAVE IT RIGHT ON THE WINDSHIELD!!!! BON APATITE BASTARD!!!!!
I hate this! This happens all the time at the Boardwalk in Santa Cruz! As if the parking there isn’t full enough you have dumbasses like this parking like this cuz they think their car is the shit and they don’t wanna ding it… well guess what if I spot this at a full parking lot… I’ll be KEYING you!!!
these are the same douchebags that ding your car in the parking lot and run off.
This is what old office keys you forgot to give back to the last job are for….
[...] אתם מסתובבים כבר יותר מ-10 דקות במגרש חניה ענק, או יותר גרוע ברחובותיה העמוסים של ת"א, ומגלים מרחוק מקום חניה פנוי. בשמחה ובדהרה אתם שועטים לחניה, רק בשביל לגלות שאיזה שמוק חנה עקום וחסם את החניה שלכם. לא סתם המקום נשאר פנוי, אפילו Smart לא יכול להכנס שם (לקטע המלא). [...]
There is/was a website called youparklikeanasshole.com, but it doesn’t seem to be loading. Maybe it’s closed now- they had stuff you could download and print- little strips of paper that said, “You park like an asshole!” and could stick under the offender’s wiper.
I had a co-worker who drove a big-ass SUV and when we went to the mall together one time, she parked between two spaces. I kinda bitched her out for it and she said, “well, my husband told me to park like that so no one dings my doors.” I told her if didn’t know her and saw her car parked like that, I’d key her doors, and that’s a lot harder to repair than a little scuff.
Why are people so stupid?!?!?
This is not native to America folks, let me tell you. I might work in an area that might give me access to these furkheads addresses and I might just drive around there and I might just do really bad stuff to their houses and their front lawns and I might just phone them incessantly at all hours of the night and I might just…
Nah, I just dream about that.
I use a subtle key job to handle these retards.
I would add ‘those who do not practise “lane control” on escalators’.
http://www.iparklikeanidiot.com/
Whoever made this site is a fucking visionary.
“And when I can I do just like Debbie and spend a long time parking my car as close to theirs as I can. My own car’s pretty old so even if they slam their door against mine, I don’t really care.”
Same here. Best way to deal with the asses.
http://img211.imageshack.us/img211/7097/p00007ya2.jpg
While that’s all and good to be mad about it when tehy park closely, I say let me park as far as I want and take up two spots in peace. I know most people are lazy and would hate parking next to me anyways so there’s no reason to get mad about me taking two spots to give me the reassurance that nothing could happen to it. The person that should be on there is the “swing their door wide open and give you a door ding and then drive off like nothing happened” although that’s not as catchy…
Oooooooh that’s an Italian favorite. Disrespectful parking, in all its categories, is a national sport. To the point that it’s sort of a tourist attraction. I sometimes leave post-it notes on their windows with wonderfully offensive Italian swear words (it’s such a colorful language). And when I can I do just like Debbie and spend a long time parking my car as close to theirs as I can. My own car’s pretty old so even if they slam their door against mine, I don’t really care.
I used to have a neighbor involved with the slot machine mafia who’d change cars every month of so (presumably to laundry money) and would ALWAYS park that way. It’d take me hours to park so that he couldn’t open his door, but it was totally worth it. Well, he also smoked in the elevator, so he deserved a lot worse. We actually brought home this acid product once (my husband’s got an industrial spray painting business and a lot of interesting chemical products) and were seriously considering liberally applying some over his lovely Audi A5 but the neighbor across the street was way too nosy and wouldn’t have missed it. I still think about it though. Ah, regrets, regrets…
As a followup you should do “people who abuse handicapped parking spaces”.
My father has to use a van with a wheelchair lift due to his disability. Half the time, whenever he goes to park his van, some asshole manages park halfway on both the parking space and the crosshatch area next to it, leaving him nowhere to park. Worse yet, some people treat that area as an extra parking spot to cram in their motorcycle. His only option is to be a two-spot parker in roder to get enough room for the lift.
And yet, if I were to slash this cockfuck’s tires, I would be arrested. The world…she is unfair.
When someone does that, I park right next to them, real close-like on the same angle that they are parked … so that they have to squeeze into their driver side.
People have wondered if I’m worried that they might just let their door slam into the side of my vehicle. I doubt it … they are so obsessed with not getting a ding or scratch on their precious car or truck – that they certainly aren’t going to risk having the paint chip on the side of their door.
http://www.prankplace.com/parking.htm
Here’s the website, I had it attached to my name before.
I used to carry these things around in Chicago.
I’m ordering them right now.
Closely related to the “Two Spot Parker” is the “Massive Vehicle in a Designated Compact Space Parker”. They all deserve a) a punch in the face, and b) a punch in the grill for their oh-so-fucking-precious vehicles.
Patrick: You’re assuming they can read.
Oh, I hate those people. I live in Texas where everyone drives a big truck that for some reason they can’t park. I always leave a note on their truck that says “If you can park it don’t drive. Are you trying to compensate for something?”
One of these days I should wait around to see their reaction when they read it.
I can’t believe it took you 82 entries to get to this guy. This dickweed is way up on my list of people who need a good knuckle sandwich.