You know what sucks about bringing your lunch to work (other than making it the night before, suffering the ridicule of coworkers and washing out the Tupperware in the co-ed bathroom when you’re done)? Having it stolen by the Office Food Thief.
Oh, you know who you are, stealer of sustenance; sneaking into the break room just before noon to peruse the menu of bagged delicacies. Oooo! Turkey and swiss on rye with a side of couscous… doesn’t that sound delicious. Or maybe you’ll go with the leftover Sheppard’s pie. So many choices, so little morals.
Well, guess what thiefy? That name on the top of the yogurt? Not arbitrary! So get your filthy hands off our brown bags, or it’s gonna be Knuckle-Sandwhich Monday everyday this week.
NOTE: To ward off said offender, use new anti-theft lunch bag: http://designyoutrust.com/2008/09/16/anti-theft-lunch-bag/
I brought my homemade awesome chili in so I could have it for lunch. And somebody ate it and stole the container. So the next day I put some Vivine in a bowl of the chili. Well we found out who the food thief was. Bad news though, he went to the hospital, thought it would give the thief the s%its. NOT causes nausea and vomiting and even a complete halt in breathing in some cases. OPPS my bad. Never told anyone and it was years ago. We did torment that fat dude for months untill he finally quit but he never stole food again. LOL
I am trying to figure out a way to stop this in my office. Last week, my receptionist bought me a cheesecake for my birthday. That day I wrote “Please Do Not Eat” on the top of the plastic. The next day, when I came in, two pieces were gone. I’ve left it in there just to see, and EVERYDAY since then, another piece has been gone! Gah! Who does that?!
My dad used to work at a tv station that had a particularly bad offender, who treated herself to someone else’s lunch just about everyday. Finally, she helped herself to the head boss’ lunch & that’s when he decided to set up a hidden camera in the breakroom to catch the thief. She was caught & fired! Sweet justice!
This is one I don’t even get. Why the fuck would anyone want some shit that a stranger prepared? Pizza maybe, but food leftover from a previous meal or something home-prepared?
It’s not like a restaurant, where there’s “some” code of sanitary behavior, it’s Ricky who fixed some Insta-Noodles the night before for himself.
After a pre-Thanksgiving potluck lunch, an employee entered the lunchroom, picked through three saved platters of food, rearranged the platters to make it appear unmolested and carefully rewrapped the plates. The employee returned to their cubicle which prompted another employee to do the same. The plates were intended for employees with sick children.
this happened to me so many times I ended up buying a bar fridge and putting it under my desk…my own stuff in my own fridge…and a bottle of vodka on hand should the need arise
Not to justify food thievery or anything, but a much more common offense where I work is the person who leaves their toxic lunch in the fridge forever. She may have forgotten it, but we haven’t, after a month or two when it starts to mewl and squirm and reek right through the fridge door.
What worked for me – I made a wasabi sandwich. It was the last time anything was taken from our common fridge.
This bastard just struck today. No lunch for me. Fuck…
I’ve found that condy’s crystals (Potassium permanganate) dissolves well and is almost invisible in Coke so if you come back to the staff fridge and find some missing you then go and talk to each and every staff member until you find the person with the dark brown tongue. Then you can have a little revenge.
I did something mildly evil to an office food thief once. I was working for a clinical laboratory that was open 24 hours, only I worked in the billing department. The third-shift lab employees would come upstairs and pick through our break room refrigerator like a fine buffet. Even once when I ordered a pizza and put my name on the box and a note IN the box saying please stay out, this is my lunch for the rest of the week, I came back the next day and found…an empty box, with the note still in it.
So the next time I could afford it, I ordered a pizza. When I’d eaten all I wanted, and there were about six slices left, I dosed the remaining slices with Sweet & Low (disguised with parmesan cheese), Chinese hot mustard, and every disgusting (but edible) thing I could think of. And yet the next day, I still found one more piece missing. Someone was still eating it! So I added more crap to it. Coworkers joined in the fun. It became a pretty repulsive pizza, although there were no laxatives or anything like that, because you know they’d turn around and sue.
easy steps to teach the thief a lesson:
- put a laxative in your lunch
- wait for unwitting food thief to steal your lunch
- follow thief as he/she runs to the bathroom
- laugh
I’ve run into this chump at every place I’ve worked. They take tupperware too.