This bitch can’t stand being out of touch. She can first be spotted rifling through her purse for the infamous phone. Next comes the brutally long Usher ringtone, followed by the split second of contemplation before deeming the call “urgent.” If caught at either of these stages, a preemptive punch is in order. If forced [...]

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You may be thinking, “no fucking way,” but alas, “Guy Who Shits on Toilet Seat at Barnes and Noble” lives. Last spotted at the Union Square location in nyc, the logistics of such a feat are still a mystery. Though various philosophies exist, one thing is for sure: the inability to direct his bowel movements [...]

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Why is it that you need a license to bear arms, but not to carry a megaphone? With the exception of firemen and paramedics, no human should have the right to operate such a powerful auditory device. In the case of “Soapbox Preacher.” this assault on the cochlea is magnified by a combo of psychotic [...]

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With a need to broadcast his ability to smoke at all times, “Cigarette in Ear Guy” cannot endure the withdrawal experienced between putting out one butt and pulling out another. Having one in his ear conveniently solves this problem. Look for him outside shopping malls, movie theaters, or anywhere children might think he’s totally rad. [...]

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While we recommend calling the authorities on this one, “Baby Stealer” will need to be pacified before the SWAT team arrives. Characterized by an obviously uncomfortable rapport with the infant and excessive “I swear I love babies” decor (see balloon in photo), this thief can be found lurking around hospitals, daycares and pediatric waiting rooms. [...]

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